De-commodify Love: 3 Low Cost Practices To Show Yourself Love

In the weeks leading up to the commercial holiday known as Valentine’s day, we always see an increase in advertisements marketing to couples: “get your sweetheart -this-” or to single folks: “got no sweetheart? Get yourself -this-.”

All these advertisers are trying to sell us happiness, sexiness, pleasure, connection, love, joy. They want us to believe that their product will be able to fill the void we may or may not feel around love. 

And boy does this strategy work. 

So many of us rush out in search of the feeling promised to be waiting for us when we obtain the thing. We buy the thing and for a moment, we may feel that feeling we were hoping the thing would make us feel. When the promised feeling fades, we may feel we have done something wrong, or we are lacking. The object promised a feeling, so if we have the object and not the feeling then it must be a problem with us. 

And so even though the promised feeling is unlikely to be found hidden within an object, we continue the cycle of buying.

Buying to feel the feelings we crave.

Seeking objects to fulfill our desires. 

But chances are, whatever it was we hoped to find waiting for us within these treasured possessions is unlikely to be found there. Occasionally, we will find things that really light us up, really upgrade our life. And that is truly exciting. Feeling good is the best.  These instances may even convince us that it is possible to feel love, fulfillment, connection, passion from a possession.

We can collect objects we hope will bring us closer to feeling lovable, sexy, connected, supported. We can continue to believe the answer to what we seek is outside us.  We can choose to continue to fill our lives with false promises. 

Or we can turn away from all the stuff and look within.

We can take our power back.

We can take intentional action toward loving ourselves, fulfilling ourselves. 

when we breath with intention we give ourselves permission to heal ourselves.

-Kristen Donat

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Here are three things that I do to increase my feeling of self love.

They cost little to no money. They can be done anywhere, at any time, and there are endless possibilities to what they can be and what they can do for me.

1. Write a love note to yourself. Writing loving words to ourselves is a powerful way to shift negative thought patterns that may linger beneath the surface.

It can be short and sweet or long and deeply passionate.

Simply writing “I love myself” or “I am willing to love myself” over and over can have a powerful impact on our subconscious.

This may feel strange at first, but writing genuine loving words to ourselves is a beautiful and loving practice that can be done anywhere. It has the power to transform our thinking, and our negative self talk. In the beginning, we may not believe the loving words we write, but like most things, as we practice a powerful shift may occur.

It is a beautiful thing to write, “(your name), I love you” and really feel it. That feeling cannot be bought in a store, it grows within and radiates from us.

2. Show yourself love. This will look different for all of us, because we all have different ways of feeling loved. But the point here is to do something for yourself that makes you feel loved.

Ideally something that does not involve buying yourself a gift (although if that feels good to you, do it!).

It may be that you need to spend some quality time with yourself; just you and that wonderful bubble bath or that book or a walk in nature. It may be that you cook yourself a delicious meal, or you let the dishes wait and make some art that will never be shared with anyone else. Doodle, paint, dance, sing, whatever makes you feel good. Maybe you go to that fitness class, or give yourself those multiple orgams you so desperately crave or set up that friend date you’ve been putting off. 

Whatever it is, do it, and then give yourself a huge hug for prioritizing you!

You know yourself better than anyone else.

What can you do today to show yourself how much you love you?

3. Take a moment to breathe. Give yourself time each day to breathe deeply. Our breath is so powerful, and so many of us never even think about it.

Three to five deep belly breaths, held in for a time before being released can clear so much stagnant energy from the body and is so healing to the nervous system.

This is something we do all the time without thinking about it, but when we breathe with conscious awareness, we are taking our power back.

When we breathe with intention, we give our self permission to heal ourselves.

Whether you do this before you get out of bed, while you are in the shower, while you go to the restroom, while you drive, or wait in the elevator, when you meld your thought-intention-power with your breath you are unstoppable. This is a small simple gift you can give yourself anytime anywhere. 

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If you like, try some deep breathing now.

Breathe in for three counts, hold for three, breathe out for a count of six. Try that breath cycle at least 3 times, and just notice if anything shifted. Revisit this breathing cycle whenever you want, and keep noticing what happens. It may take time but the breath is more powerful than we can begin to imagine.

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None of these things are like a magic spell that we cast and then everything changes. There is no special self-love pill. Like most good things in life, it may take time to see the results of our work.

Because believe me, self love is work. 

But, if you came here to learn how to love yourself, if you came here to reestablish a relationship of gentleness and kindness with yourself, then give these things a try. 

Your love is a powerful force. 

No store can sell you the love that lives within you.

You deserve to be the recipient of your love.

All you can do is choose to love yourself, take actions that support that choice and see what happens.

 What else do you do to show yourself love?

Let me know in the comments.