Heart Healing

When I think of my journey I move between the belief that there is not much to tell and the belief that there is so much to tell there is not enough time or focused care. I am moving away from this duality because I know that our experiences, our stories, our relationships with each other, our connection these truths and unique perspectives, unique combinations of energy, this is our power. I am shifting into unabashedly honoring my vulnerable, authentic, true self, and I am finding the courage to share my light with the world.

This journey has cycled and flowed, it has had light and deep shadows, but in my reality it is perfect in every way. I find myself in this moment sitting on the sweetest screened in porch in New Orleans, Louisiana. The sun is setting and the diversity of greens growing around me are spectacular. A crow takes flight and I thank it for it’s reminder of mystical wisdom and deep connection. I am reminded that we are all one, and that I am connected to the healing source wisdom. I am reminded that I began this journey to fall in love with myself for only when our cup is overflowing do we have anything to spare.  

I made many changes, adjustments, shifts in my life to feel how I do right now. The most potent thing I did was heal my heart. I had created a very strong defensive wall around my heart over my teenage years, and I maintained that wall into my mid-twenties. I learned to suppress my feelings for a multitude of reasons including: I thought they were wrong, i thought i had no right to feel how i felt, and i did not know if anyone, including myself, could truly handle the depth of my emotions. I pushed down and restrained things that made me feel pain or discomfort. I suppressed anger so others would not feel afraid of me, but then my anger was worse when it came.

I believed that showing I had feelings made me weak. I thought by suppressing my feelings I displayed strength, control, maturity. As if hiding my pain, could make it go away, or at least if others didn’t see the pain I felt I could act like I had it together. I defined myself through other people perceptions of me. Other people saw a successful young passionate changemaker and even though I felt unsatisfied with my life, when other people were impressed with me, I convinced myself it was fine. My life is great, I would yell myself and then scold myself internally for my dissatisfaction. I felt ashamed that I had this picturesque life and still had to struggle to feel good about it.

I managed my emotions with my mind in a very pragmatic and logical way. I knew letting “it” go was what I was trying to do or doing but my mind did not understand that without letting the energy flow and letting my heart feel into the feeling, I could not forgive or let go and worse then I carried it with me, stored the painful energy in my body. As Iyanla Vanzant puts it: I let my wounds continue to bleed all over my life. At the time, I could not see the impact of this truth.

When realized I change would benefit me, I began to explore the question: “how do you want to feel?” I had found Danielle Laporte’s book and workbook The Desire Map, and I felt called to dive into its wisdom. When I entered into desire mapping I was functioning too much in my head and her teaching called me to sit in my heart. I did not know how to do this, my heart was protected blocked off and I feared what it would take to really tear all that down. I feared I was not strong enough, or it would take too much work. All this changed when I received a Reiki Session after my first reiki attunement and the reiki healer told me that at the beginning of the session my heart energy was a swirly dark mass, but it was cleared during the session. That was when I truly opened to the power of reiki energy, and the belief that the power to heal exists inside all of us.

At that point I was deep into the process of reestablishing a loving relationship with myself and the world. But it was not until the reiki energy began to flow in my life that I truly felt an energetic shift in me. As Reiki energy flows through me it heals me of lower vibrational energies, and really lifts the energetic frequency of my body. It calls attention to what needs to be healed and I have to decide if I am ready to do what it takes. I had to relearn a lot of what I thought i knew, I had to reprogram my thinking, my mind, so that it worked with me instead of against me. I am learning to deepen my relationship with my feelings. I am learning to listen to and flow with the sensations that surge through me during experiences.  I am learning to trust myself to be seen doing this, to share this deeply inward journey that feels both isolating and unifying.

I am on this journey seeking to see with love, seeking to establish my relationship with and connection to source, this earth, other people, ancestors, light beings. I am learning to listen to my intuition, see and follow the guidance of this world, remember who I am, remember why I came here, feel immense amounts of pleasure, joy, and gratitude.

I am a wounded healer. My cracks are where light can shine in and out of my soul. I am here to be a part of a healing solution. There is another way. I envision a healed world.

My dream is that we will heal our roots and radiate our full, truest, selves. I will help get to the root of the problem and together we will discover a healing solution. Healing solutions are not always simple, but they are potent. Reiki is powerful spiritual wisdom life force energy and it is not bound by time or space. It will call forth deep healing.

I invite you wonderful being that you are, please join me as I share about my journey to love myself, and reconnect with my roots through the power of reiki. I am seeking inspirational connections, collaborators, reiki clients, students & teachers. Follow me on here, instagram,  facebook. If you feel called to, please email  me for information about reiki sessions or attunements, or just to connect.

We can radiate our light on this world. I believe we all have the power to heal ourselves and our world. I offer healing solutions for those seeking to radiate their truest self.